Take your foot off the brake

Feels funny to start writing this blog, when just a while ago I said to my friend, in about ten different ways, NO WAY!, when she suggested that I should start writing. My basic resistances surfaced- I couldn’t, I’m not good enough, I wouldn’t have anything to say, nobody is interested in my stories, I cannot write.. and so on.. I stepped my foot on the brake.

But, life is a funny ride. It doesn’t always go as planned and sometimes you surprise yourself. I have been writing for many years, mainly for myself, and I love it. Sometimes I can write for hours.

I love processing life and growing as a human being. I want to learn to love more and learn how to receive love. I want to know who I am and I’ve always had an enormous interest and need for the truth.
I have arrived to a point where I see the interesting ways in which I limit and diminish my freedom and creativity.
I see how I have made myself small, instead of being that amazing, free being – full of light, love, abundance and joy. The one that we all are in our truth and essence.

All my life, as long as I can remember, I have been looking for my personal freedom. I have analyzed, struggled, cried, yelled, blamed, acted crazy and tried, tried, tried, but with my foot on the brake.
It’s amazing how you can press gas and keep your foot on the brake at the same time, not realizing that you are doing just that.

Usually when I get inspired/excited about something, it is followed by a series of diminishing thoughts.
As an example, four years ago I got really into playing guitar. It didn’t take long before I got a thought that there is no way I can become a great guitar player anymore, so I stopped the whole thing. Hold on, why would I have to become great? Isn’t playing and enjoying it enough?
No, the fact is that I was not enough. Perfectionism is a fantastic way to stop yourself from enjoying the present moment. It’s all about criticizing, living in expectations and demands and it sucks the joy out of everything.

Ok, maybe I was not enough for my parents and didn’t get the support I needed- so what?  That happened a really long time ago. I have blamed them and myself long enough and it’s not taking me where I want to go.
All I can do now is to forgive them for not being perfect and forgive myself. I need to let go of being a victim and stand up for myself. It´s time for me to cherish my creativity, sensitivity, passion and joy. This feels like a right track and relaxes my body.

I have a feeling that somehow opening my writings to others is me taking my foot off the brake.
The truth is that I would love to inspire and uplift as many people as possible by writing, because I do it naturally everyday.

Few days after I had slammed my foot on the brake concerning this writing matter, I bumped into a friend on the street. She said joyfully ”start writing a blog”. I have learned by now that when I get the same message twice, I should listen to it. The path is shown to us in so many ways and we are being pushed gently to the right direction. We just need to listen carefully and not be afraid. I love guidance!

Life is not supposed to be lived with one´s foot on the brake. It is supposed to flow like a fresh and clear joyfully bouncing mountain creek.
At an early age I learned to demand perfection, to squeeze, fight and be my worst critic. So to receive life in this light joyful way has been challenging, but now, I am practicing every day, and eventually practice makes a champion.

It is so important to be aware of our thoughts and behavior, because every moment we are creating our reality and future. Either I create it consciously or then it is created and dictated by our unconscious thought and behavior patterns, which we have learned from other people.

It is time to act and think differently. To spontaneously and joyfully do what inspires me. To do things because they feel good. Not stoping myself with thinking, what comes out of it or what other people think about it.
This one evening another friend of mine said with excitement, that she can already see me writing a blog and after that this came for evening tea…

So here I sit and write and I have to say that this feels amazing! I feel joyful, I feel my self-respect and my foot is off the brake!

Have an amazing day ya’ll!
With ❤️ Amira

 

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