In fear or in love?

I want to share this brilliant writing or rather say a teaching with you, since it has helped me so much. I hope it reaches and brings peace and clarity to as many as possible. I got this writing from my friend Sirpa about three years ago. She originally received it as part of a letter from her friend Satu Marjatta Massaly. I’m grateful that Sirpa instantly recognized the value, truth and light in these words and framed it so beautifully.



I have placed the writing on my wall and at times when I have a conflict with myself or with someone else, I go and read it. It always calms me down and helps me to accept what is. It also helps me to let go of the need to change the other person. So in a way it guides me back to love and away from fear and control.

It’s easy to fall in to the pattern of wanting the other person to act or think differently, so that you would feel good. I have done that a lot. Even more I have fallen in to the trap of changing myself, especially in close relationships. I adapt to the other persons needs and ignore my own, so that the relationship can continue smoothly. What happens then, is that you find yourself in a relationship without a real honest connection. We become ”as if friends” or ”as if lovers” without letting the other person see, what we are really and truly made of.

Sometimes it’s challenging to find the balance between making necessary compromises in relationships and taking care of your own needs. I think that this is something that we all will practice for the rest of our lives.

I myself don’t believe that relationships have to or should continue forever. These days I think that all relationships, short and long ones have come to teach something important and some of them are supposed to end when the lesson is finished. Especially if you have chosen a path of growth and self development. In this case letting go takes even a bigger role in your life. When you grow and expand with yourself,  it’s only natural that that, witch no longer resonates with you falls away. Space is needed for the new to come, that which reflects your current state. If I hold on to everything and never let go, going forward is not possible. Everything in my life mirrors who I am.

When I studied Gestalt therapy I fell in love with this poem:
I haven’t been born into this world to live up to your expectations and you haven’t been born into this world to live up to my expectation. If we meet it’s great, if we don’t it can’t be helped.
-Fritz Pearls

This poem states so beautifully the fact that when two people set their boundaries and the relationship doesn’t work, it’s time to move on. Letting go can feel scary at first, but if you have the guts to appreciate and respect yourself and the boundaries and differences of the other person,  you start attracting relationships that reflect this newly accomplished self appreciation.

In my life it’s like this, at first I can be anxious and restless, but as soon as I make the  decision, accept what the situation is and let go, I fall back into my own power and feel at ease. No wonder, as letting go and love do walk tightly hand in hand.

Have a fantastic day ya’ll!
With ❤️Amira

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