This time I am not the writer of this story. Instead I invited my lovely friend Marika, to be a guest writer in my blog. When Marika told me about this beautiful and inspiring realization/experience she had had, I thought strait away, that it could bring together, help and inspire many couples in long relationships, in a fun and light way.
Enjoy, with ❤️Amira
I have lived with my husband for 14 years, being married five years of it. We never had a wedding party, as we decided to get married at our first son’s christening. Wedding party, wedding pictures or anything related to that didn’t seem to be essential at that time, and maybe that’s why we haven’t really put emphasis on our wedding anniversaries either.
However, last spring I decided that I want at least the official wedding photo before it will be too long time from the wedding. In addition I wanted to have more profound meaning for our wedding day, so that it would be nice to memorize it also later on. I asked my husband if it would be ok for him that we would get the wedding picture this year on our anniversary day and would also do something nice and memorable that day. I suggested that I would arrange the whole day for him, he would just need to show up and enjoy the day. Of course that was ok to him!
I started planning the event. I looked back to time when we first started dating, thought about those trips and nice moments we had had, searched for a beautiful venue for the wedding photo session and scripted details for the day. I ended up arranging also wedding vows and consecration of our marriage on that day to give the needed extra spark for it. I was not stressed during those months, it was fun as I was arranging the day just for two of us.
Original goal of the day was to get as beautiful wedding photos as possible and to spend a nice wedding anniversary without kids. However something more meaningful begun to happen. As I spent a lot of time thinking good about my husband and our relationship, my thoughts on him started to change. I more often noticed something nice and positive in him and told him that as well. I saw him in a different light – and I started to fall in love with him. It was strange. Of course I had loved him before this process, but to get feelings grow stronger in a busy everyday life of parents with small kids, that was surprising. Maybe I had unconsciously been thinking that the other one should change first before my feelings can grow deeper… But quite opposite happened.
I was puzzled but happy that summer. It was wonderful to arrange a great anniversary in those feelings for the two of us. At the same time I realized that most likely my husband wouldn’t feel the same way. He didn’t have any specific reason to spend extra time thinking of me or our relationship that summer… So I wondered how could he get even a small share of what I had started to feel lately? I made up something that could work.
Two weeks before the wedding anniversary I sent my husband a message where I asked him to start collecting songs for me. Those songs should remind of me in some way: the beginning of our story, how he fell in love with me (of course!), funny moments we had shared together, or wishes or dreams for our relationship or our future life. I mentioned he wouldn’t have to choose the music on basis of what I would like, but instead what would be meaningful for him. One week before our anniversary he could start sending the names of those songs to me in messages. At least one per day and let me know why he had chosen that song for me. I promised to do the same.
My husband agreed immediately and I appreciated him even more. We started to listen and write down different songs. When that week had passed we begun to dedicate the songs to each other in messages and at the same time expressed our feelings and thoughts. It was meaningful to write those messages. It created again one more reason to think good about my husband and write about things that I normally didn’t say to him. Through the music it felt easier.
Every day I was waiting what kind of songs and messages I would get from him. Through those messages I got to know what had been meaningful phases in our relationship for my husband, and to read wonderful words and smile to funny memories. Sometimes messages were not so light. I never knew about some of the topics he wrote to me during that week. I’m so grateful I know them now.
By the wedding day morning both of our feelings had deepened. Decision to think good about the other and express that via songs had also affected my husband. We took kids to babysitter and enjoyed the beautiful sunny day in Helsinki. We enjoyed lunch, went to relaxing treatments and wrote the vows that we would say to each other in the evening. We got ready for the wedding photo session and opened a vintage port we had bought from Porto years back. It was already evening when we came to ceremony venue, a garden of former prison in Helsinki. There were only us, priest, bridesmaid and photographer there at the moment of consecration of our marriage. It was raining heavily, but an old oak kept us dry with it’s branches. It felt magical. In the end my husband was amazed by everything I had arranged for that day and I was grateful for the most beautiful wedding anniversary day in my life.
I have been thinking the meaning of that day afterwards. Even though I first thought that wedding photos would be most important, they weren’t. Most important thing was how my thoughts begun to change my feelings towards my husband, and how our mutual decision to think good about each other eventually added more love into our relationship.
They say it takes work to make a relationship work. I agree, however after that wedding day I was thinking that instead of concretely working together with the relationship and finding time to be together etc work can also be in our minds. It can be the process itself when we plan something for the other and don’t expect anything in return. It can be sending good thoughts and dedicating songs to that special person. The most important work might be almost unseen, immaterial – and the end result very beautiful.
Could it work for you?
Which song would you dedicate to your loved one?