Beginning of May I had an appointment with my osteopath. During the treatment, he told me that he feels like I’m unconsciously turning my back to something important in my life. I couldn’t think of anything. I asked him what it could be. He didn’t know what it was. Only answer I got from him, was that it’s nothing big or difficult, but through it I would find the freedom I need in my life.
I had no idea what he was talking about. Actually I wasn’t even sure I fully believed him, but I made myself a commitment there: ”ok, if there is something in I’m my life that I’m not willing to face, I wish to become aware of it”. I asked my guides for an answer and clear guidance on this matter. On my way home the word meditation popped into my mind again and again. I have meditated in my life, but somehow the interest has always faded and I have found something more interesting to do instead. The following day a healer I know asked me: ”do you meditate?” and continued ”I think you would really like it, and that it could really be your thing”.
I decided to start with sitting meditation sessions and chose to do my practice in the mornings after waking up. I would try for two months straight and see what it brings. I bought an 8 weeks online course from a teacher called Burgs (The art of meditation). His philosophy and approach resonated with me. For example how he beautifully compares thoughts and water. When water is left alone, it settles in itself. When we have an active mind, we just make the reflection to water and leave it to settle in itself, we don’t need to do anything.
First of all I became aware of how challenging it was for me to be interested in staying focused on my breathing and how quickly I drifted into thinking nonsense. I had to admit, that in this situation I couldn’t be less interested in silence, stillness or peace.. this was confusing. I also realized how strained my body was, and especially how tense my breeding mostly was. I had encountered my self-control. At some point I learned that it was my ego who wasn’t interested in stillness or peace. Ego doesn’t desire peace, it lives from separation and conflict. It controls and analyzes everything and will not give up it’s power easily.
As days went by, I started to find little moments of enoumous relief. I was able to direct my focus of attention away from the mental jabbering and analyzing my feelings and sensations, and was able to just be there with my breathing. whatever way it formed.
Burgs says, ”don’t be interested in the thoughts, they are just unsettled energy”. Thinking is not a bad thing. It becomes a problem when the whole being and the sense of ”I am” is completely identified with the mind. When a person is no longer able to separate him- /herself from his/her mind and connect with this deep silence and stillness, that is the source of their true inner power and wisdom. When the mind is in the service of the ego and not the consciousness of the heart.
My mind is overly active and produces lot’s of thoughts. In other words my mind tries to control. Automatically I get attached to my thoughts, instead of taking space (ability to concentrate) to choose the point of my concentration.
Through this experience I found a new kind of understanding and interest towards silence and stillness, and a motivation to practice my concentration. To let my mind chatter and gently practice/investigate for example focusing on my breeding. Like this I let myself be and experience a different way of being for at least this 20-25 minutes a day.
The effects of meditation have been scientifically researched for a long time, and even short moments of meditation result in positive outcomes. Thinking takes up a lot of energy from the body’s resources to balance itself. When we meditate or in other words when we are in a state of presence and not completely identified with the mind, our body and deeper awareness gets space and starts immediately to take care and balance itself. While sleeping our minds shft to the background and the body gets the needed space to start the self-healing process. But today 8 or even 10 hours of sleep is not enough time to rejuvenate and heal, because with most of us the ego related mind has fully taken over.
In a way our body’s have the same wisdom as mother earth. If we would leave this planet in peace and give it some space, it would know how to heal and recover. Many indigenous people knew this and lived in harmony and respect with their surroundings. The state of this planet reflects the state of humanity.
When I let myself be, take time to slow down, learn to listen to my body by becoming sensitive to its messages, it will give me everything I need. Your body will tell you what food/company/place/work gives you good vibes and what doesn’t. But if you always go with your wants, your minds desires, then this connection with intuition and the body’s loving wisdom disappears and you will no longer hear the messages. Deep wisdom, love and balance don’t live in the ego. It all comes down to loving and respecting yourself.