Kindhearted or a liar…

I find it incredible that we can straight up lie to ourselves and other people whilst calling it something very different. It’s so common and easy to discard your truth when you sense that it contradicts with the will of another person or with the wants and needs of your ego. I’ve done this an awful lot, but slowly it has started to feel unpleasant, toxic and insane.

You bypass your truth and justify this by saying to yourself that it’s because I don’t want to fight or cause a conflict. You might say that you are afraid, loving, a nice person, sensitive, taking care of other’s needs, empathetic, shy, conciliatory, accepting and peace loving – but every time you don’t express your natural impulses, you are actually lying.

The word ”liar” is considered quite brutal in our society. I think that very few people consciously lie or want to be liars as there is something embarrassing in that. I feel lying makes me small and scatters my wholeness. It has been much harder to continue ignoring my true impulses after I started to think that I am a liar, when I don’t have the guts to express my truth. In a weird way this gives me strength and courage.

Some time ago a guy told me that he was attracted to me. I instantly knew that I didn’t feel the same, but said nothing. I thought that maybe my feelings would change and I didn’t want to make him feel bad. I was also afraid to lose him as a friend.

Quite often we don’t say what’s going on inside of us because we’re afraid of being abandoned, but in reality we abandon ourselves and our power when we hold it in.
 There are also those moments when I just will not see the truth or won’t acknowledge the fact that I feel there is something wrong within the situation. I may feel that something is off, but I’ll just ignore it beautifully. This usually happens when I have some kind of an agenda going on or when I feel that I want or need something from someone or from a situation to be happy, instead of taking care of my needs and remembering that I am the source of my happiness.

When I attach my happiness to the pursuit of something that is outside of me or into the hands of other people, I become blind to myself and start making unhealthy compromises.

Years ago I started a relationship with an Aussie guy. It was clear from the start that the paths of our lives were different, I didn’t want to move there and he didn’t want to stay in Finland. I didn’t realise it then, but now I see that it was impossible for me to trust and surrender to that relationship because subconsciously I knew that we would not have a future together. But I wanted a boyfriend so bad that I discarded this obvious problem.

We are creating energy cords/invisible connections between each other all the time. When we leave things unsaid these cords stay between us and we lose energy through them.

For example when I didn’t tell the guy who was attracted to me that ”I am interested in you only as a friend” I left an energy cord to him and started to give him my energy. Every time we think of each other or interact, we create these energy cords/connections. But when we stay in our truth and clarity, we don’t leak our energy to others. Then our energy is fully in our own use, as it is supposed to be. This is reflected in our aura as a beautiful protective halo.

To put it very simply, our aura shows and reflects everything that is happening in us and this is how others sense us on a subconscious level. When one is clear and in their truth, they feel energetic, light, and the aura is bright and attracting similar energy towards it. When one discards their truth/self, the colors of the aura dim and one’s energy levels drop.

In a way my energy becomes toxic when I lie. It’s also very challenging  to find one’s own unique path when you’ve taken on the habit of always being ”nice” to others. It becomes impossible to feel one’s will or really know who you are. Then one  just walks around as a grey zombie and wonders why they are not happy.

So what basic things could be called lying and what makes me small and powerless, or my energy grey and toxic?

– When I don’t tell you that what you just said offended me.

– When I don’t tell you that I have a crush on you.

– When I don’t sing on the street even though I really want to, because I’m afraid to be labeled as a lunatic.

– When I’m scared to tell you that your constant talking without breaks feels heavy and that sometimes I need silence.

– When I don’t tell you that I feel that you never listen to me.

– When I don’t say no/yes.

– When I am jealous of you and what you have accomplished but I don’t tell you about it.

– When I hold back my laughter, because I don’t want to be loud.

– When I have expectations of you, but don’t express them.

– When I leave unsaid what I feel and think.

– When I see that you are doing something that is hurting you and I don’t say anything.

– When I don’t allow myself to do things that feel good.

– When I stick with a job that is unsatisfying.

– When I don’t listen to my body’s needs.

– When I need help and don’t ask for it.

– When I let you walk all over me.

– When I hang out with people with whom I don’t feel good, free and relaxed.

– When I protect you from my feelings – be it aggression, sadness, love, sexuality or joy.

– When I don’t speak out in fear of confrontation or causing a storm.

With all this, I don’t mean that everything that comes to mind should be said. We need awareness and consideration and all can be said in the spirit of loving kindness. Even the really hard stuff. The thing is – when a person takes care of their own physical, emotional and spiritual needs and chooses to be true to what ever they are, that person naturally becomes joyful, loving, respectful and appreciative of life and others. How amazing would it be to live in a world where people really take care of their needs and have the courage to live and express themselves with honesty and authenticity. Oh… what a paradise that would be. I want to be a part of creating that world.

With ❤️ Amira

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